InsaneJournal

Fic reviews: McShep Match Days 5 & 6
Day 5: Dead Letter

The Color of His Heartbeat by sonadorita 2/5
6300 words. After a tragic explosion, Rodney is caught between believing in alien tales and doubting his own sanity.

The story wasn't too bad, though too sappy to really be my thing, but the prose needed a lot of work. Early on there was this: "his young voice of barely twenty years worth of experience chirping through the hall" and it didn't really get much better.

Day 6: Around the Clock

The Ethical Life by sabinelagrande 4/5 Recommended
5900 words. Rodney's system is already perfect, but it could be better.

This is an excellent WWII AU. The characters worked great in the setting and everything was just done really well. I don't really have a lot to say about this one, but it's cute and well-written and I enjoyed it a lot.

I do wish Ronon and Teyla had been there somewhere, though. We got Katie and Jennifer and even, I think, Cadman (at least I assumed that's who the Laura at the diner was), but no Ronon and Teyla?

Pulled Out from Inside by altyronsmaker 1/5
15,400 words. While exploring an uninhabited planet for future recreational use, John's team gets kidnapped, and he must fight his way to the outpost beyond the Ancient City to take back the team that was stolen.

Wow, it took over 15,000 words just for John to realise his feelings for Rodney? This was just bad. The plot was cliched and felt really contrived. It rambled on and on and then ended with a deus ex machina. It would be one thing if what happened actually made sense, but it didn't. It was obvious every step of the way that the only reason for anything happening was that the author wanted to get John and Rodney together. Which...if you're going to involve a mysterious planet's technology and some game that intruders are forced to play just isn't enough. The planet's inhabitants need actual motives as well. Plus the dialogue throughout was just really off. It wasn't really horrible, not like the sort of dialogue where you wonder if the author has ever actually heard real people carry on a conversation, but the characters just didn't sound like themselves at all.